Rate My Fantroll
Oh god I’m submitting my fantroll for a review..

I’m super scared.

  • Oh wow, cutie! Did you make this sprite? It’s really good!

==> Be the introverted surgeon.

Your name is CIRRUS KAUTRI. You are 6.92 sweeps to be specific, or just annoying. You tend to keep track of the DATES and TIMES for silly reasons. It’s more like to keep your BAD MEMORY in check. You’re an extremely INTROVERTED TROLL who resides on a HUGE AS FUCK cliff, away from Troll society. The trolls who do visit, as FEW as they are, you TEND to AVOID. It’s not that you’re SCARED, it’s just that you much prefer to AVOID CONFLICT that your species tend to create. But, if they come after you, they’d WISH they HADN’T. 

  • This has nothing to do with your troll- this opening paragraph is quite strong, actually- but I think you can reign back the capitalization a bit. Save it for really important phrases. ;3

Your lusus is a GIANT SQUAWKBEAST, who tends to MESS WITH YOUR HAIR. So your hair tends to be in a DISHEVELED MESS, which takes HOURS to redo, only to have it messed up, later. So you don’t even try to stay NEAT. (Even though being MESSY really bothers you.)
In fact, you ALWAYS look like a disheveled wreck. Your lusus flies off on an adventure to STEAL CULLED TROLL’S CLOTHING for you, it uses it to make a “NEST” but, you steal some that catch your OCULAR ORBS. The KEY you wear? Something stolen from a CULLED TROLL, you don’t have the LOCK so it’s PRETTY MUCH USELESS. You still like it though.
Your lusus also steals OTHER DEAD LUSII to GORGE itself on but, you steal some of the carcasses to DISSECT.

  • I like the idea of wearing a key that opens an unknown lock. Who knows what it could be to, ooooo.


When you get OLDER, you want to be a SERGEONATOR, saving other trolls on the BATTLEFIELD. So you’ve been PRACTICING surgery on them. You even keep some of the ORGANS in PRIME HEALTH in glass JARS, so you can study them later. It’s VERY INTERESTING.

  • SERGEONATOR. That’s awesome.


Your STRIFE SPECIBUS is SCALPELKIND. It 
helps you cut open those LARGE LUSII and is a 
deadly weapon to anyone within a meter 
RADIUS. 

  • Hahaha, meter radius.


In your spare time you enjoy reading CRIME 
NOVELS, like Sherlock Trollmes. It gives you 
GREAT INSIGHT at the type of GRIZZLY 
WOUNDS and VICTIMS you may encounter 
later in LIFE. You have heaps of other GRUESOME books which have photos OF THE MOST GHASTLY crime scenes. You don’t understand why your other TROLL FRIENDS think it’s STRANGE.

  • Hahaha Sherlock Trollmes. Well done.
  • You stated a bit earlier that she avoids others, so the mention of friends here is a bit confusing.


Your obsession with KEEPING TRACK of TIME 
is because; you can’t WAIT to be enlisted in the 
ARMY. Just a FEW more SWEEPS, you tell 
YOURSELF. You get so hyped up, you BOUNCE 
OFF THE WALLS. Figuratively, of course.


You’re a upper-class teal-blooded troll and 
your TROLLTAG is CautiousCoroner and you 
tend to speak in a lOgiCal yet quite Submissive 
way, with Slight jumps when yOu talk..

  • First word of the trolltag should not be capitalized.


Name: Cirrus Kautri

Age: 6.92 sweeps (14 years)

Gender: Female

TrollTag: CautiousCoroner

Strife Specibus: ScalpelKind

Fetch Modus: Balloon, when she needs an item, 

she has to find the right coloured balloon and pop it with her ScalpelKind. If she gets the wrong one, the Balloon goes soaring into the sky. 

  • This fetch modus is a little too ‘literal’ for me. The modii are meant to be abstractions, so something that has to be physically interacted with is always a little dodgy. I’d recommend something more obtuse!
  • Otherwise, she’s quite good! I didn’t have much to critique, which is always an awesome sign. Nice work!
  • -M
Phoenix Troll

I made a troll recently, but just her visual. She’s a yellow blood, because I think it would suit her best. I am working on her bio, but I would like to know what you guys think of her so far. I tried to make the horns as small as I could without it looking TOO small….

  • She looks fine so far! Her horns are still a bit big, but as long as you’re okay with her ancestor’s horns being ridiculous, it doesn’t much matter.
  • -M

Alright, a troll for evaluation!

Forgive the desu-ness of the art, I…just don’t know what happened.

  • Nnnnno apologizing, she’s cute!!


Name: Rudaba Astart

Age: 8.7 Sweep
(( RP group…thingy is an AU mostly, where trolls are considered adults at 11 sweeps. Definitely hope this won’t be a problem >A< ))

  • No, I think you’re fine. 9-ish sweeps is around when they should be getting their eye color, I think (like you have in her picture), so you’re in the clear. As long as she’s prepping to leave Alternia soon/has some idea of what she wants to be.

Blood: A rich blue (I think). here’s the RGB code…thing.
R:005
G:001
B:099


Lusus: A female Peafowl-like creature with an obsession of bright and colorful things.


Personality: While she prefers to show a friendly, smiling face to prevent wrinkles, Rudaba is actually an ill-tempered and selfish troll. She is very vain and very insecure about her appearances, and is quick to be offended if a troll insults her. If she cannot cull the offender on the spot, she gets in her overly depressive states, and whines to her moirail, who tries to cheer her up. Her moirail tries his best to pacify her murderous tendencies and assure her beauty while Rudaba is overbearing and protective of him.

  • Okay, I like that her moirail is actually doing a moirail’s job. I also quite like her personality, overly vain trolls are not ones I see very often, surprisingly.


Rudaba places great pride in her hair, and is hesitant to go or do anything she fears will threaten her hair’s health. For this reason alone, she tends to plan out all of her activities and is very strict to keeping up with a schedule. There have been times where she annoyed her friends with these schedules and her forcing them to keep up with them. She also plans out many defensive tactics just in case sometroll attempts to cull her out of the blue, or at least try to touch her hair.

  • Hahaha, I like how she lists ‘culling’ right up there with ‘touching hair’.
  • I kind of want to see what kind of murderfrenzy would ensue if someone accused her of wearing a weave/extensions/a wig.


Vanity aside, she tries to be very polite, even to her enemies, though it should not be mistaken with friendliness. She does not show prejudice to those of a lower caste, but does take note of her nobility, and makes it known. Can definitely come off as arrogant. The only one she shows her goofy and caring side to is, of course, her moirail, and he is the only person that can criticize her without her being offended. She often needs help grooming her hair, so she asks him for help often. So far, he’s the only one she trusts deeply.

Other traits of hers is that she loves reading romance novels, and is often daydreaming of both redrom and blackrom romances.


Interests: Romance novels and movies, collecting “stupidly cute” figurines, playing hairdresser with her moirail, which she is sure doesn’t like being subjected to, great shows of flushed feelings or black feelings.

Other notable things I think I should include but didn’t know where to stick it:
- Her moirail’s lusus had died when they were six sweeps. By that time, the two already knew each other and were in the beginning stages of a moirallegiance. Even though he knew how to take care of himself, she became overly concerned of his well being. He finds their moirallegiance very weird now because he thinks she’s trying to take over his lusus’ job.

  • Hm, interesting!

- She’s overly picky in picking a matesprit and a kismesis. She believes they should do something similar to a male peacock to show they are interested and get her attention. Otherwise, she is quite oblivious to subtle hints of flushed or black feelings.

  • Hahaha, a vain character who likes romance-based media and is expecting a huge show from a potential mate- that sounds about right!


- Easily jealous of other pretty trolls, regardless of gender.

- Often wears her hair up to prevent it dragging on the floor.

- Her hive is very similar to Rapunzel’s tower in appearance, though obviously have a simpler way to go down than a window. Her room is at the very top while her lusus prefers the bottom floor.

  • Oh, cutes.



Trolltag: I have absolutely no idea what should go here.

  • vaingloriousVibrissa?
  • charmingCoiffure?
  • chimericalChignon?
  • batheticBouffant?



Quirk: My goodness I don’t know this either. |||orz

  • Perhaps she could thread~her~hair through ~important~ words?
  • She also seems like the type to use careful punctuation and capitalization.



I am so terribly sorry if the information is…all over the place. I am not very good with bios at all.

Rereading tells me she should still be under construction. xD;

*hits submit and hides in SHAME*

  • Hahaha, no, I think she’s quite good, actually!
  • She needs some more development, obviously- deciding on things like strife specibus, fetch modus, dreamer type, etc. etc., but as far as a bare base for a character, what’s here is good! Nothing jumps out at me as needing immediate revision and I think you can keep developing her from here without any problems.
  • Good work! -M
Dinkra Enarso

I’m warning you, this fantroll is still in the development.

  • Alright, well, let’s take a look!
  • Just from a design perspective, your troll’s outfit is bordering on a bit too fancy. I think it’s reigned back enough to work, but, the blue ribbons and bright green shoes provide a very jarring contrast that draws people’s eyes to them and emphasizes their existence, which you don’t want to do, since trolls are meant to have minimalist designs and any extraneous details should be able to fly under the radar.
  • So, because your troll is a dirty-yellow sort of color in blood, may I suggest changing those blue and green details to be a muted purple instead? It’ll complement the yellow, so you can have a semi-colorful outfit without it taking over the design.
  • Aside from that, your troll’s design looks good!

Origin of name: Dinkra is from “Adinkra”, which is the name of the African symbols. Enarso is Osrane spelled backwards, what is my fantroll’s symbol, the symbol of marriage and faithfulness. (note: i would leave the Osrane itself if it didn’t mean something crude in my native language, so yeah.)

  • Haha, I see! That could be an issue.

Age: 7 solar sweeps

Blood color: mustardish yellow, but I’m thinking about changing it. it just reminds me better of the half moon for some reason.

  • Well, if you change it, my above advice will also have to be altered, haha. I do agree that it invokes ‘moon’ imagery for me- the only other color that would likely do that is a baby blue, but since your troll has a power, that wouldn’t work out so well.

Title: Sylph of Heart (not 100% sure about this one, maybe I will think of something more original) (also no, she doesn’t play sgrub, i thought of the title just for fun)

  • Having the title for fun is great! Even if your troll doesn’t play SGRUB, it can still provide a lot of insight into their character.

Psychic powers: She can communicate with bugs

Weapon: Half-moon shaped shuriken like things

Trolltag: Undecided yet! Will you guys help me with this one?

  • How about lunarLampyrid?
  • nighttimeNoctiluca?

Quirk: ^Same as with this.

  • Perhaps something involving the phases of the moon? Perhaps she could capitalize her Os, replace Cs with (s? And for the firefly bit, perhaps she could end her sentences with ‘mumbled’ things that are Morse code, so she’s saying it and getting it off her chest but to everyone else it looks like excessive punctuation?

Lusus: A giant firefly-like thing

Personality and other info: She is generally quite cheerful and friendly, but of course only to the other trolls she already knows and trusts, what makes her behave quite awkwardly or just defensively when she meets someone new. She likes to give romantic advices to others. Her hobby is basically everything related to astronomy.

Unfortunately, she spends most of her life sleeping because of being prone to falling into coma, what makes her life not that easy. She sleeps, wakes up, spends time in any way, fills buckets to not make drones be after her, and sleeps for long again.

Her hive is located in an really old and and big tree.

  • Okay, overall, I can see that she’s definitely still under construction. A lot of this detail in the last few paragraphs smacks me of being fine, but very underdeveloped. Definitely keep fleshing her out- I think concentrate more on her interest in astronomy! That’s unique to her.
  • -M
I feel really nervous submitting this.

Okay so basically this is Jaiven Azkarn.

  • Okay, let’s see!
  • Right off the bat, I can tell that you used John’s room as a base. This is fine, but keep in mind discrepancies between troll and human culture. Trolls don’t sleep in beds, so that bed there needs to be replaced with a recuperacoon. The posters on the walls, instead of short, punchy titles in English, should be in grayscale with long titles written in Alternian.
  • And, this is a stylistic choice that you don’t need to do, but usually troll rooms/furniture are in shades of gray rather than the stark white/black of human rooms.

Blood: Dark red, Aradia’s blood color.
Quirk: Regular grammar and speech, replaces ‘g’ and ‘G’ with ‘9’

  • This is a good start, but I’d recommend adding a little something else to spice this quirk up just a bit.

Trolltag: ballisticFlamer
Strife specibus: flailkind
Extra(?) power: pyrokinesis (ability to control fire) 
Title: Rogue of Life
(Kills for the benefit of others)
Land: Land of Bridges and Voids

  • I don’t know if I’d use ‘Voids’, just because this is an element used in the game and it could get a bit confusing, especially since your character is not a Void player. Perhaps a synonym could be swapped in?

Personality: Her low blood leaves her fighting for her life. If it wasn’t for her ability and her watchful lusus, she’d be dead. This has made her both egotistical and defensive, especially towards highbloods.

  • Keep in mind that being a lowblood doesn’t automatically brand someone for culling- otherwise there’d be no working class! But yes, she would have to be quite the skilled fighter to stand up against highbloods.

so umm, how’d I do?

  • Overall, as an actual character, she’s good! Just keep in mind that there’s a lot of stuff about troll culture that you need to include when expanding upon her.
  • -M

(I haven’t fleshed him out all the way, so… sorry about that!)

==> Be the creepy snake-troll

You are now the creepy snake-troll. Congrats.

  • Hm, a snake-troll. Let’s take a look!

Your name is VRITRA SHESHA. You are 8 sweeps old, slightly older than your other comrades.

You don’t find yourself INTERESTING, just the OPPOSITE, actually. However, you will admit that you have SOME INTERESTS.

These INTERESTS include HUNTING and KILLING those of a LOWER BLOOD COLOR. You honestly view this as an act of KINDNESS. Without you to painlessly CULL them, they would suffer the GRUESOME TORTURE of a DRONE. You focus upon finding FILTHY MUTANT-BLOODS, as their existence is already UNNEEDED.

  • There aren’t meant to be many mutant-bloods, so your troll likely wouldn’t come across a while lot of ‘em.

However, your MOIRAIL is trying to get you to STOP KILLING. You stopped trying to understand her intentions a while ago.

Another INTEREST of yours is COLLECTING your lusus’ TEETH. It sounds quite odd, but his teeth don’t BREAK very often, and when they do, it usually means that he was in a HUGE FIGHT with a creature of great STRENGTH. Your MOIRAIL sometimes takes them to create MYSTERIOUS CONCOCTIONS, but she is another story altogether.

You have the strange ability to be able to sense what anyone you know well is feeling, as long as they are within shouting distance. It doesn’t really matter to you, as you don’t keep many friends.

  • He’s a it too high blooded for a power, I think. I’d scratch this.

You live underneath the SANDBANKS on one side of a small RIVER, near a sparsely woodedFORESTarea, so you excel in CLIMBING TREES, but you’ve never learned how to SWIM, much to the despair of your MOIRAIL. The entrance to your HIVE is a partially hidden HOLE in the GROUND. The entrance is HIDDEN by both your lusus’ SHED SKIN and a pile of LARGE, FLAT ROCKS. You enjoy going out JUST BEFORE the scalding sun SETS COMPLETELY, to soak up the LAST BITS of warmth. It RELAXES you to no end. And then you go hunting.

  • He probably shouldn’t enjoy the sun, but if he’s going on when the sun’s gone down but it’s kinda-sorta still warm, I guess that makes sense.

Your STRIFE SPECIBUS is scalekind. You fight using the sharp, dry SCALES that fall from your lusus’ SKIN.

Your title is the Thief of Blood.

Your trolltag is genocidalKiller and you sspeak in a proper, yet rathher ominouss manner…

  • Kind of a bland trolltag- I’d use more flowery language.

(Not in here, but still fairly important:

In the story I’ve created with a few of my friends, his trolltag is genocidalAssassin, and we’ve based it in an alternate troll timeline in which our characters go through their sessions, but it’s on the canon Alternia (meaning that, at one point, perhaps an offhand comment is made about “that murderous seadweller”). Any thoughts on this?

  • That’s fine. Still not a fan of the trolltag though.

His lusus is a multi-headed slitherbeast (hydra), and I’ve based him off of the Hydra constellation, even relating to his blood color. The Hydra stretches underneath the constellations of Leo, Virgo, and Libra, so I mixed the canon blood colors together and he came out a jadeblood. Is this too “special snowflake”?

  • Well, it’s an interesting angle, but he doesn’t really act at all like a jadeblood. They’re associated with the mother grub and life and all that jazz- and your character is very much the opposite. You may want to set him a few shades off jade if you don’t want to be forced into that association.

His world isLandofLoamand Plasma, relating to the clay-like sand he lives in and around, and the blood of his victims. The world consists of vast, multicolored oceans and rivers, and a few large patches of sand, with wide pathways leading from island to island. The sky…aghfuck, look at the picture thing. He finds it a bit unnerving that blood higher on the caste than his is in the oceans, but he is otherwise perfectly fine with this.)

(Sorry for the poop drawing quality. ._.)

  • Okay, overall, he seems a bit misguided. A lot of his elements seem to conflict, which is especially a problem for a snake-based troll, which is a really overused concept to begin with without making him a overzealous killer, which is another overused concept. I think you may want to dial some of this stuff back.
  • -M
Submitted for analysis, if you please?

Name: Vitral Silnex

Age: 7.5 Sweeps

Race: Troll

Lusus: CoyoteDad

  • Trolls and lusii tend to match in gender.

Title: The Rogue of Blood

Personality: Testy and oppourtunistic: tricky. More than a little sarcastic and snappish, but most of that is surface deep. Has a strong-headed, righteous streak and has a history of white-knighting. Studies troll-philosophy, as her ambition is to be part of Alterina’s scholarly PHILOSOPHALANX.

Land: Land of Spite and Wordplay

Strife Specibus: ScytheKind — weapon is a warscythe made of a stick and a beast-fang.

Trolltag: vitriolicCrusader

Typing Quirk: Rrepla<es ‘c’ with ‘<’ and <apitalizes ‘V’ to make herr words sharrperr, and grrowls by doubling herr ‘r’s

Text Color: Dark Red

Symbol:  and early form of the Vitriol symbol

Clothing: Basic troll attire (black shirt with symbol, black pants and shoes) but also glasses and a white coat (stained)

  • Well, unfortunately, I didn’t have a lot to say here! Everything seems pretty straightforward and solid and there isn’t much to comment upon. What you have here is good! My only critique is the small discrepancy with the lusus- everything else looks fine. Keep expanding upon her.
  • -M

ANALYSIS ON FANTROLL: PLEASE REVIEW

Note: Her horn curves upward for the V-shap of a woman&#8217;s womb. She is the epitome to show that of a woman&#8217;s mental and physical structure, so she has lots of female reference within herself. She is however, an &#8220;alternate&#8221; version because her counterpart is the male symbol.
Does she only have one horn? I&#8217;d recommend giving her a set of two, or having a reason for the second one not being there, like being snapped off or something.
&#8212;Name: Oestro Domini (es·tro)Sign: ♀ (Woman, Female)
The male and female symbols get used a lot, and I can&#8217;t say they&#8217;re my favorite thing. They usually pigeon-hole characters, which I don&#8217;t like to see.  Might I recommend instead a female-oriented constellation, like Andromeda, Cassiopeia, or Coma Berenices.
Gender: FemaleAge: 9.5 - 10 sweeps (roughly 19 earth years)Blood Color: Yellow (I need to re-edit her eyes so that you can tell that she&#8217;s of a higher age)Screen Name: MED1C
Trolltags involve two words (no numbers)- the first word is all lowercase, the second word has the first letter capitalized.
Type Style: Doubles her x&#8217;s and uses the number zero instead of o&#8217;s. She also capitalizes the o to zero words to make the words look a bit less awkward, though it still ends up looking strange. On occasion she may rhyme her words together too, but this usually only happens under certain circumstances that have an effect on her moods. The double xx&#8217;s represent the female sex chromosome, thus is linked greatly to her symbol.
I wouldn&#8217;t use the &#8216;zero instead of o&#8217;s&#8217; thing because that&#8217;s usually reserved for dead characters. I like the double x&#8217;s, though.
Example: &#8221;This L00KS like S0METHING Y0U&#8217;D 0NLY see inside an exxtreme ACTI0N M0VIE&#8230;&#8221; Strife Specibi: Based on the weapon described below, &#8216;staffkind&#8217; sounds appropriate.Fetch Modus:Planet:Title:  I&#8217;m going to assume you&#8217;ll want to use a female-associated title, which gives you Witch, Sylph, Rogue, Thief, and Maid to pick from. Element/Theme:  I can&#8217;t really recommend an element since I don&#8217;t know much about her, but I&#8217;m going to assume Life or Heart will probably work out nicely.Weapon(s): Uses a long rod of sorts that acts as a large electrical conductor. At the ends of the rod are two high-voltage outputs that are manipulated in strength by a knob in the center of the staff. A button on the center acts as both a disconnector and a power supply. If the button is pressed via two at at a time, the rod retracts into a small, handheld stun-gun that looks like the tube shape of a glowstick or flashlight. If the buttons are pressed via single side, then they can split into two seperate pieces and charge up into even higher electrical shocks.
Wow, a lot of thought when into this- I dig it a lot.





This is not a completed overview because I wanted to leave it open enough to suggestions. I want to create a legitimate troll and had a few worries that I felt should cross you first so that I do not create a horrible character. Please, please, please tell me if something is of a flaw so that I may change it. I am open to critique and hope you&#8217;ll be able to help me on my creation. Thank you for your time.
Overall, I think she&#8217;s a bit cornered into her theme. The &#8216;female&#8217; theme is interesting, but because trolls don&#8217;t put so much emphasis on gender, it seems a bit forced, if you know what I mean. I&#8217;d recommend being more subtle with it (the horn shape and double x&#8217;s in the quirk are excellent examples), and step off on the more overt themeing elements, like her symbol and name. Add more things to her so she&#8217;s not one-note, and I think you&#8217;ll have a better character on your hands. As she stands right now, nothing is inherently bad about her, she&#8217;s just very flat.
I couldn&#8217;t think of a suggestion for her land or fetch modus, but I think those will become easier to decide upon once you add more to her themeing and flesh her out more. Best of luck!
-M


ANALYSIS ON FANTROLL: PLEASE REVIEW


Note: Her horn curves upward for the V-shap of a woman’s womb. She is the epitome to show that of a woman’s mental and physical structure, so she has lots of female reference within herself. She is however, an “alternate” version because her counterpart is the male symbol.

  • Does she only have one horn? I’d recommend giving her a set of two, or having a reason for the second one not being there, like being snapped off or something.




Name: Oestro Domini (es·tro)

Sign: ♀ (Woman, Female)

  • The male and female symbols get used a lot, and I can’t say they’re my favorite thing. They usually pigeon-hole characters, which I don’t like to see.  Might I recommend instead a female-oriented constellation, like Andromeda, Cassiopeia, or Coma Berenices.


Gender: Female

Age: 9.5 - 10 sweeps (roughly 19 earth years)

Blood Color: Yellow (I need to re-edit her eyes so that you can tell that she’s of a higher age)

Screen Name: MED1C

  • Trolltags involve two words (no numbers)- the first word is all lowercase, the second word has the first letter capitalized.


Type Style: Doubles her x’s and uses the number zero instead of o’s. She also capitalizes the o to zero words to make the words look a bit less awkward, though it still ends up looking strange. On occasion she may rhyme her words together too, but this usually only happens under certain circumstances that have an effect on her moods. The double xx’s represent the female sex chromosome, thus is linked greatly to her symbol.

  • I wouldn’t use the ‘zero instead of o’s’ thing because that’s usually reserved for dead characters. I like the double x’s, though.


Example: ”This L00KS like S0METHING Y0U’D 0NLY see inside an exxtreme ACTI0N M0VIE…” 

Strife Specibi: Based on the weapon described below, ‘staffkind’ sounds appropriate.

Fetch Modus:

Planet:

Title: 
I’m going to assume you’ll want to use a female-associated title, which gives you Witch, Sylph, Rogue, Thief, and Maid to pick from. 

Element/Theme:  I can’t really recommend an element since I don’t know much about her, but I’m going to assume Life or Heart will probably work out nicely.

Weapon(s): Uses a long rod of sorts that acts as a large electrical conductor. At the ends of the rod are two high-voltage outputs that are manipulated in strength by a knob in the center of the staff. A button on the center acts as both a disconnector and a power supply. If the button is pressed via two at at a time, the rod retracts into a small, handheld stun-gun that looks like the tube shape of a glowstick or flashlight. If the buttons are pressed via single side, then they can split into two seperate pieces and charge up into even higher electrical shocks.

  • Wow, a lot of thought when into this- I dig it a lot.






This is not a completed overview because I wanted to leave it open enough to suggestions. I want to create a legitimate troll and had a few worries that I felt should cross you first so that I do not create a horrible character. Please, please, please tell me if something is of a flaw so that I may change it. I am open to critique and hope you’ll be able to help me on my creation. Thank you for your time.

  • Overall, I think she’s a bit cornered into her theme. The ‘female’ theme is interesting, but because trolls don’t put so much emphasis on gender, it seems a bit forced, if you know what I mean. I’d recommend being more subtle with it (the horn shape and double x’s in the quirk are excellent examples), and step off on the more overt themeing elements, like her symbol and name. Add more things to her so she’s not one-note, and I think you’ll have a better character on your hands. As she stands right now, nothing is inherently bad about her, she’s just very flat.
  • I couldn’t think of a suggestion for her land or fetch modus, but I think those will become easier to decide upon once you add more to her themeing and flesh her out more. Best of luck!
  • -M
can i get some input/critique on her?? owo;;;;

((Firstly, I apologize for the lack of a picture!! I tried to make a sprite but alas, the site for my bases won’t load and it was a mess. urk;;; ))

Your name is DARIAS CRISTO but most people call you DARI. Most people being your SUPER FUN FRIENDS that come from drinking your HAPPY JUICE and your VERY BEST FRIEND CEPHII MECARI. Unlike your other chums, she doesn’t only come around when you drink the HAPPY JUICE, which is pretty much ALL THE TIME. You also really like MAGIC, and just generally PLAYING WITH THE CONCEPT OF FANTASY, along with COOKING since you think your lusus likes her fish seasoned.

  • Keep in mind that trolls generally are pretty dismissive when it comes to the idea of magic, so you may want to make a note of that and perhaps have your character keep their interest in it on the down-low for that reason.

You have a few INTERESTS, mostly concerning PSEUDO GARDENING and ROLE PLAYING with Cephii. You have a variety of different fungi and other things that could pass off as plantlife growing in the CAVERN underneath your HIVE. The largest of which secretes the HAPPY JUICE you’re so very fond of UNWISELY INGESTING. You have been doing this since you were A VERY YOUNG TROLL, and you probably couldn’t stop even if you wanted to. ADDICTION IS A POWERFUL THING.

  • Okay, I like that you have an explanation for this ‘happy juice’ deal, because I was a bit on the fence about it in the first paragraph.

Your lusus, a MAGICIAN CONE SHELLBEAST, dwells there as well. Your poor ma’ is UNFORTUNATELY stuck there, due to the size of her shell and thanks to an ACCIDENT during the creation of your hive, so you frequently bring her things to eat. FORTUNATELY her diet is pretty diverse, so you don’t have to resort to feeding her other trolls.

That’s not to say you have a bit of a KILL STREAK on your hands. You can’t help it. Sometimes your FRIENDS tell you to have some FUN WITH YOUR NEIGHBORS. Sadly, your FRIENDS like to PLAY ROUGH, and it’s not YOUR FAULT that your neighbors COULDN’T HANDLE IT. That’s what your FRIENDS say, at least, and your FRIENDS are really fun to play with, even if Cephii doesn’t APPROVE.

You think you’re very LUCKY to have so many FRIENDS, despite the fact that you’re kind of WEIRD. You’re a shade too warm to be a full-fledged sea-dweller, but a shade too cool to really be a landweller.

You have GILLS, but they’re useless, and you have a hard time BREATHING on land and in the sea. Often times, when your FRIENDS and Cephii aren’t around, you sit in your hive and just wait for something. Anything. Something to tell you that you really BELONG here.

Sometimes you wish for a MIRACLE.

  • Oh, I get it. Sad.

Trolltag: benignVacancy

Fetch Modus: Reap What You Sew. Items you store for later are “planted” in your sylladex, and cannot be accessed until they’re nice and ripe. The time you have to wait depends on how heavy the object is. The bigger and heavier, the longer it takes, and vice versa. Sometimes they’re ready just when you need them, but only if you’re REALLY, REALLY LUCKY. You generally aren’t that lucky.

  • *sow
  • Also fetch modi tend to be one word, so that’s kind’ve moot anyway.

Strife Specibus: gardenkind, a branch of the far more general toolkind. Underneath that particular tree (no pun intended) you stick to hoekind or shearkind, but you have dabbled with other tools as you’ve needed them.

Symbol: Circle bisceted in the middle.

Blood: Almost Indigo, just a shade above.

Lusus: Magician cone shellbeast.

Title: Page of Death ((Probably needs to be changed;;; oops))

  • Well, ‘death’ is a bit heavy-handed. Why not use the canon and very similar ‘Doom’?

Land: Land of Silt and Fungi

Consorts: Bioluminescent Yellow Slugs that like Poetry

Quirk: You use your trusty hoe “|`” to carve out a good line of soil to plant your words! ex: |` dont worry guys i can handle this just fine 

  • Okay! Overall, she looks good. I’d just be careful that that ‘happy juice’ deal doesn’t lean her too close into being too similar to Gamzee, and then you’ll be fine.
  • -M
Shay Russell
Basic Bio (the thing that would be under the first shot of her and her room): Your name is SHAY RUSSELL.  Your room is currently SPIC AND SPAN, though not by your own doing. Rather, it’s cleaned daily by your aging caregiver, who you refer to as BUTLER. You supposedly have PARENTS, but for some reason they are never around.  You don’t remember when you last saw them, but they consistently SEND YOU SHIT so you don’t really mind.  

  • Caregivers usually match the kids in gender (excluding Jade), so you may want to consider a ‘maid’ instead, but that’s really a small detail and it’s up to you.

You are a DANCER, focusing especially on BALLET.  Because of this, you’re quick on your feet, which is also an asset in the SELF DEFENSE classes you’re forced to take. You’re not very strong, but at least you’re pretty good at GETTING THE FUCK OUT OF THE WAY.  

You also enjoy spending time on online VIRTUAL PET SITES and have in fact met some of your best (and strangest) friends there.  You’re DEDICATED and SOLEMN when it comes to said sites, and scornful of those who don’t feel the same.

Other info:  Your pesterchum name is taciturnLigature, and has been for awhile — you’ve long been over your immature phase where you changed it every few days.
  • Oh, I like the chumhandle.

You type with an amber-gold color, although your friends occasionally joke it more resembles ‘baby poo’.  StringKind is your strife specibus, and if you don’t have one equipped at the moment you can use the ribbon in your hair.  You don’t speak much, and are likely to fill your chat window with “…” while you search the internet for the perfect quote to express your feelings.   Most of what you say, in fact, is copied and posted from the web.  You just don’t trust your own words to portray your emotions!
  • Interesting! I haven’t seen a human ‘quirk’ like that before.

(whoops, it’s hard to portray all the things I want to in this sort of bio, but her personal character arc has a lot to do with her inability to trust her own words and her reliance on others to speak for her?  I’m afraid she doesn’t have that particular ~homestuck feel~ though, so if you have any advice I’d love to hear it!)
  • I think she’s good as a character- but to give her more of that ‘feel’, you may want to get more ridiculous with her. Give her some interest that is really off the wall- the extreme dedication to virtual pets is a good start. Maybe expand upon it? Have her have a huge box of tamagotchis or something that she dedicates a ludicrous amount of time to caring for. Or give her another weird interest- a lot of the kids have some hobby that is really, really odd, like Rose’s interest in the dark arts, Dave’s tendency to collect dead things, or Jade’s… Jade-ness.

Sprite (regular on the left, fancy on the right):
  • Oh, this sprite is really pretty!
  • Overall, she’s good! I just think you’d benefit from making her more off-the-wall. So expand upon her odder qualities more!
  • -M